When I met my Irish partner, it was clear we had very different upbringings in the US and Ireland.
Some cultural differences, such as drinking norms and foreign-language learning, were quite stark.
My husband also found Americans' fascination with seasonal activities particularly surprising.
My husband and I were born almost exactly one year apart and over 4,000 miles away from each other. We always say it was fate that somehow brought us together.
While I was growing up in the humble Midwest of the United States, he was raised just outside Dublin by the Wicklow Mountains and the Irish Sea.
Our paths collided after I moved to Ireland in 2019, and ever since, I've settled into a new life as an expat.
Growing up in different cultures has allowed us to have interesting conversations about our everyday habits, respective upbringings, and general life experiences.
Here are a few of the biggest culture shocks we've noticed.
Pub culture in Ireland isn't the same as drinking culture in the US.
Most of our socialization here happens at pubs.
Alexis McSparren
Ireland is known for its lively pub culture. But when I first moved, I was still shocked by how much alcohol is part of everyday life.
I've grown accustomed to over the years — anytime my partner and I make plans with friends, it always involves hitting the pub.
There are plenty of bars and clubs in the US where people seek respite from a busy workweek or catch up with friends. But "pub culture" in Ireland is something else entirely.
A pub isn't just a place to have a proper pint of Guinness. It's more like a local community center where friends, family, colleagues, or neighbors can connect over a hearty meal and perhaps sing along to a lively session of traditional music or break out in an Irish jig.
I've also been introduced to the sacred pub ritual of buying rounds.
Although buying a round of drinks would be an optional act of generosity in the US, it's standard procedure here. Members of a group will rotate who's buying each round, and skipping your turn is seen as rude.
Driving across Ireland seems like a leisurely road trip to me, but my partner disagrees.
We've explored other parts of Ireland together.
Alexis McSparren
When I first moved here, I found it baffling that many Irish people I met hadn't visited other parts of the country they deemed "too far away."
In the US, driving a few hours for a vacation would be considered easy. But my partner seems to think anything over an hour is as long.
It seems to boil down to the relative sizes of both countries. Driving from the top to the bottom of Ireland takes just over six hours, but in the US, it takes over 14 hours to drive across the state of Texas alone.
My partner and I have found there's a major difference in mentality when it comes to attainable driving distances.
When we were planning a road trip around County Kerry last summer, I thought we could just visit the whole region since it would only take about three hours to drive around.
My partner was absolutely horrified at how much driving we'd be doing and would've preferred to stay put in one location. Thankfully, he thoroughly enjoyed the experience, and ever since, we've taken many scenic road trips.
My family was less likely to travel internationally growing up than his.
It's easier and cheaper to get to nearby countries in Ireland.
Alexis McSparren
Partly due to family finances and partly due to the sheer size of the US, I hardly ever left Missouri while growing up. The state itself is over twice the size of Ireland.
Since Ireland is so close to other countries, my partner easily traveled all over Europe throughout his childhood.
Ireland is also home to Ryanair, which offers famously cheap flights to lots of European destinations, resulting in the collective Irish urge to travel abroad for a weekend getaway.
There are two official languages in Ireland, so my partner is bilingual.
Irish students learn English and Irish.
Alexis McSparren
Ireland has two official languages, English and Gaeilge, or "Irish" as it's known locally.
The official Irish language is taught starting in first class in primary school (the equivalent to first grade in the US), and it can be found all over the country — both written on road signs and buses and spoken on the radio and TV.
Because of Ireland's proximity to other European countries, it's also common for students to learn another language, such as Spanish or French.
I didn't have quite the same experience with language learning in the US school system. Regardless of the number of classes I took, I never really achieved fluency.
Holidays and seasons are a much bigger deal in the US than they are in Ireland.
I miss the extravagance around fall and Halloween in the US.
Alexis McSparren
Growing up in the Midwest, fall was my favorite time of year. I'd eagerly look forward to the season-long celebration of colorful leaf walks, hay rides, scary corn mazes, and all-things pumpkin.
The birthplace of modern Halloween celebrations is right here in Ireland, where an ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain has been celebrated for over 2,000 years, so I was expecting some pretty hefty Halloween and autumn festivities.
Unfortunately, I was surprised to find that Ireland doesn't fawn over fall in quite the same way Americans do.
My Irish partner is completely baffled by the seasonal activities I grew up partaking in, such as decorating the house, paying for hay rides to fetch overpriced pumpkins, and planning trips for the sole purpose of admiring the changing colors of the leaves.
Last Christmas, he humored me by driving around lots of neighborhoods to look at decorations (bless him). But after several hours, the most we could find were a few houses with blowup Santa Clauses in the driveways.
In the US, there's more of an emphasis on independence from a young age.
Instead of getting their own apartments, it's not uncommon for Irish young adults to live at home.
Alexis McSparren
I've realized that American children seem to be raised to be more independent and self-sufficient. It's common to leave home at 18, whether it be to move away for college or simply move out to freely experience legal adulthood.
But in Ireland, it's more common for people to live with their parents well into their late 20s, or until they move in with their significant other.
Compared to my Irish partner, I think I had to grow up faster in terms of living on my own and becoming financially independent.
The driving age is younger in the US than in Ireland.
You have to be 17 to drive in Ireland.
Alexis McSparren
My partner and his family were shocked when they found out I legally started driving at 15 — and some US states even allow learner's permits at 14.
In Ireland, the minimum driving age is 17, and many people don't start taking lessons until their late teens or early 20s, if at all. Irish drivers also have to take at least 12 one-hour lessons before the driving test, which I've heard is quite difficult.
Driving around in cars with friends really shaped my teens. I'm not sure what those years would've looked like without that formative experience, and it's wild to me that my partner didn't have any of that.
My partner was baffled by the active-shooter drills I grew up doing in American schools.
I've never felt safer than my years living in Ireland.
Alexis McSparren
My partner and I have discussed all of the emergency drills we used to practice in school, such as fire drills, earthquake drills, and tornado drills.
Some of these were a foreign concept to him — Ireland isn't known to get tornadoes or earthquakes — but he was also completely stumped when I mentioned active-shooter drills.
When I first explained the concept from my experiences in kindergarten through high school, he was completely shocked that children were taught to run into a corner and hide at school from such a young age.
I never really questioned or considered the significance of it growing up. Now, viewing it from an outsider's perspective, it's horrifying to think about the reality of these emergency drills.
This story was originally published in August 2022 and most recently updated on September 11, 2024.
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